DARK TIMES
Have you ever felt the fear of living a life without family? Or the fear of losing a loved one? I know, the thought of it alone gives one the chills, it takes away all traces of joy and happiness. It’s all just scary really. Well, my greatest fear happens to be the ‘fear of being alone’. 
“ Simi!!”, I was jolted up from my deep sleep by my mother’s high pitched voice. “Gosh, can’t I just be allowed to sleep peacefully in this house? If it were up to me, I’d sleep all day”, I mumbled as I got up from my bed.
I went through my usual morning routine; pray, brush and dress up for the day. “ I’m here mom, good morning ma”, I greeted.
“ Simi come over here and eat you food. My mom said. I heeded to her instructions and took my cup of coffee.
“Mommy, you wouldn’t happen to have any gist for me, would you?” I asked her while sipping my cup of coffee.
“ Quit talking and eat your food young lady. Have you forgotten your table manners?” She playfully scolded.
I looked up at her in surprise with an exaggerated shocked expression on my face. “ Mommy Simi, when did all this seriousness start? Better drop all these acts and gist me right now.” My mom and I burst out laughing. Are you surprised? Don’t be. My mom and I had this close relationship no one else could match with.
“ Oh my God mommy! It’s out! It’s really out!” I said while trying to get my purse.
“Simi will you calm down. What’s the rush about and what is out?” My mom questioned. I turned to her with the brightest smile on my face and told her the best news I’ve heard in a while.
“ Mommy, Principal Martins just called and asked me to come get my results slip. He sounded so happy for me mom. I bet I came out with one of the best results”, I said.
“ Oh my God! My daughter is so smart. I’m so proud of you. Remember all I promised to get you if you make good grades? Remember how you’ve always wanted to go to your hometown? Now, I’m definitely fulfilling your wish. Go, go, we have a lot of celebration to do when you get back”. Mommy said in delight. Without wasting much time, I gave her a big hug and dashed out.
I arrived at my school after what seemed like ages. Do you ever get the feeling whereby a place you go everyday and never seemed far , suddenly feels far because of how excited you are to get there? That was definitely how I felt. I walked through the hall of my school with a bright smile on my face. “ She’s here!”, I heard a group of girls say with so much excitement in their voices. At this point, I was confused. ‘Why would they be happy to see me?’, I thought to myself. I decided to put on a smiley face not until the girls passed by me and went to hug their friend. God, I'm so stupid. Why will I ever think they’d be happy to see me. I’m plain old Simi, the girl no one wants to hang out with.
‘Don’t let anything ruin this moment for you! Go girl'. A voice said in my head. I felt it was my mom speaking with me. Even though she wasn’t with me presently, she still had my back. She’s the best.
“ You came out the best Simi! Congratulations!!!!!!!! Once again, you’ve made this school proud”, my Principal, Principal Martins said while handling my result slip to me.
“Thank you so much Sir! I really appreciate. Good bye Sir”, I bidded as I exited his office. Without wasting time, I ran back home. The only thought in my head was ' I can’t wait to tell mommy how well I did! She’d be so proud of me’. Who knew I’d never get the chance to.
As I arrived at the gate of my house, I couldn’t help but notice some cars parked in my compound. Who could they be? What do they want? Just like me, my mom never kept friends. She was abandoned by her family when she got married to my father. She then depended on my father’s family, not until my father died . My father’s family also abandoned her as they felt she brought misfortune upon their family. What a world! So now, seeing the cars parked in our compound, I couldn’t help but wonder what was happening.
Different reasons as to why there were cars in my compound were still swimming in my head until I recognized my Uncle. I had never met him in person but mommy had shown me pictures of him. Now, my head was blank. I couldn’t form any reason as to why they were here. As I took a bold step into my house, I looked round and searched for my mom amongst the crowd. Only her could explain what was going on. Suddenly, all eyes turned on me, creepy much? While trying to locate my mom in the crowd, a police officer walked up to me. “ Hello miss, are you Simi Adeniji?”, he asked. I confidently replied with a yes. As I was about to demand an explanation as to what was going on, the policer officer spilled the out the words, “I’m so sorry for you loss”.
“Loss? For my loss?”, now, I was really confused. “I don’t know who you all are and what you’re doing here but you’ve obviously mistaken this house for another. Where’s my mom? I’m sure once she finds out you’re here, she’d drive you all out”, I said to the police officer with so much attitude. ‘They were ruining everything! I’m supposed to be celebrating with my mom but instead I have to deal with this. But really, where’s mom? She can’t be sleeping through all these', I said to myself in my head.
“Your mom’s gone Simi. She’s gone. I’m so sorry”, my uncle finally spoke.
“ My mom’s gone? She’s gone? Who do you think you are coming into my house and spilling out lies just to try and separate my mom from me? I want to see mom right now! Show me my mom! Mommy!!!!!! Mommy!!!!!! Where are you?!!!!”, I shouted out while frantically moving around the house trying to locate my mom. As I got to her room, I barged into the room with so much force about to demand an explanation from my mom. I expected to see my mom on her dresser pulling a comb through her hair like she always did. Well, I wish that was what I had seen. Instead, I met a sight that had ended my life.
As I walked through the room, I saw my mom laying on the floor in the pool of her own blood. She had marks all over her legs. She had been beaten almost to the point beyond recognition. All I saw was a pale, badly bruised and unconscious woman. That woman was my mom. She was my mom. I recovered from my state of shock and rushed over to her side. I shook her body repeatedly while screaming the words “ Mom!!! You can’t do this to me. You can’t leave me. Mom see, take a look at my results. I did so well mom. I did so well. Open your eyes and take a look. Open your eyes mom! Open your eyes!” I jumped from the position I was and ran to her closet.” I need a clothe to clean her wounds. When I’m done, you’d see that she’d be all fine. She’s not leaving me. I won’t allow it. No!!!! I won't, Who did this to my mom?", I shouted while frantically trying to find a piece of cloth. I rushed over to her side and tried cleaning the blood.
“She’s gone Simi. She’s gone! She was beaten up by armed robbers. You can’t help her, she’s gone. I’m so sorry”, my uncle screamed out. He hugged me from behind and I broke down in tears while holding her hands. I lost her. I lost my mother. I lost my best friend. I lost my everything.
The atmosphere suddenly became silent. Everyone had left. My mom’s body had also been taken away. I was left with my neighbor, miss Jane. She was the closest to my mom and I . She held me as I sat in my mom’s room. I had stopped crying after a while, trying to act strong. But I couldn’t anymore. Have you ever broke down sobbing after a while of being strong? Crumbled to the floor, hands on your face. Your face scrunches up and you let out the first gasp. You try to be quiet but eventually it becomes loud heart wrenching sobs. You cry and cry, so much that it becomes difficult to breathe. And all you could do was look up and ask God, “Why? Why her?” You just want to end it all, right there and then. You cry and cry, trying to breathe. And eventually you just collapse to the floor and lay there, feeling so numb.
It had been a month since my mom had left me. A month filled with so much pain, darkness and emptiness. Miss Jane had been kind enough to take care of my mom’s burial arrangement and also take me in. You may be wondering ,what about my family? Well, as I drowned in my darkness, my family made sure they claimed all my mom’s properties. I lost everything. I had gotten to a point where I was I was just fed up. You know how when you have a long night rest and you wake up filled with so much energy and brightness. That didn’t happen to me anymore. Sleeping to me was a drug. The moment I closed my eyes the emptiness, pain and darkness, goes away. But then, I just wake up every morning to fight the same battle I left the other night.
I had hit a point in life where I was just done. I’ve cried. I’ve tried. I’ve fought this darkness But now, everything is crashing down. I was drowning in darkness and I couldn’t get out. The darkness had completely engulfed me, there was no light at the end of the tunnel for me. What’s the point of living? I was sad and lonely . I had no one to show me love and care. I was lost and I’m tired of wandering. “Goodbye world. I’m going to see mommy. I’d be filled with light and happiness once again. My mom was my peace and happiness. I’m going back to her”. As I was about to take a bold step to my death by jumping off the cliff, I heard a voice shout.
“Stop there young lady! What are you about to do?!”. I turned back and looked at the unknown man. I suddenly became lightheaded. I hadn’t eaten for days. As I was about to fall, the unknown man jumped forward and caught me. All I could see was darkness and I slowly slipped into a state of unconsciousness.
It’s been a year. A year I’d never forget. A year filled with so much battles. But I conquered it all!The unknown man who had rescued turned out to be a man of God. He helped me see the light in my darkness. Are you depressed right now? Or can you feel yourself slowly slip into a state of depression?
Stop right there. I know how you feel. I understand the daily battle you fight with yourself. That feeling of emptiness. You feel you’re alone but really, you aren’t. Deuteronomy 31:8 says; The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged. Depression can make you feel lonely but remember, God is always there. And he’s never leaving you. Turn to him. He will give you the strength to fight and conquer all battles. The world is filled with all troubles and darkness but he will be your light and peace. He has plans for your future. There are better times ahead. Go to him and he will give you rest. Every morning, you wake up to fight the same demons you left the night before. You conquer every battle. I am so proud of you. God is proud of you. God loves you.
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